Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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