someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
