Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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