Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
