Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

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  (703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn
  Replies (91) Good night (17763) Bad night (927)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...

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  (610): Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon... http://tfl.nu/ozcp
  Replies (7) Good night (977) Bad night (5028)
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  (530): View more from California

  Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.

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  (530): Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls. http://tfl.nu/qy86
  Replies (27) Good night (826) Bad night (7318)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

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  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (45) Good night (9179) Bad night (1178)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.

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  (215): after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values. http://tfl.nu/kv5s
  Replies (50) Good night (2222) Bad night (3244)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken

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  (705): her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken http://tfl.nu/6ixh
  Replies (13) Good night (982) Bad night (3825)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.

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  (509): My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment. http://tfl.nu/j2q1
  Replies (9) Good night (5562) Bad night (947)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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  (660): I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym. http://tfl.nu/tj7a
  Replies (7) Good night (3629) Bad night (944)
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  (585): View more from New York

  that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

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  (585): that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag http://tfl.nu/7pz9
  Replies (11) Good night (1481) Bad night (3830)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.

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  (678): Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store. http://tfl.nu/d1b2
  Replies (12) Good night (714) Bad night (2252)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.

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  (815): He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background. http://tfl.nu/8wbf
  Replies (5) Good night (638) Bad night (1778)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.

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  (314): For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo. http://tfl.nu/n4q2
  Replies (4) Good night (991) Bad night (341)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.

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  (905): yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child. http://tfl.nu/c0t1
  Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (362)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.

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  (330): I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won. http://tfl.nu/41ux
  Replies (5) Good night (387) Bad night (715)
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  (530): View more from California

  I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.

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  (530): I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland. http://tfl.nu/s0xd
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (204)

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