Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos