youre lurking in front of me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick