PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
