dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that