I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.