I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals