Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
