ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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