Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize