There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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