He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
