i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it because I queefed?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
