went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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