the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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