Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
