Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pants are for mortals
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
