Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
