i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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