You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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