God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
