So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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