I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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