your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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