Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
