"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
