I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
