Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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