i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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