hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
