we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
