he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
