I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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