you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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