god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
