I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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