One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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