Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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