I got chris browned last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
