Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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