what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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