it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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