If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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