If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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