Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
