He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
