we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
