I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize