1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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