mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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