im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
