I just made out with a guy for $7.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize