Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
