walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
