I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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