I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
