My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
