had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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