$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Shame is for Republicans.
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