I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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