do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
