did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
