i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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