Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
