Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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