I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
