Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Vodka?
Forever.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
