He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
high people should be assigned attendants
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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