it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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