I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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