just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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