yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
