My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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