I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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