Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
