Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
