best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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