Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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