ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
