Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
